Beautiful Change!

A fresh graduate, a young life about to take wing, and yet so much is wrong in her life. She finds herself on "painful ground." And she doesn't know what to do!
Do you ever find yourself in this kind of rut in your life? I am old enough to leave my home, and go experience the world for the first time, but there are some things that need to be fixed! I don't get along with my siblings, I don't always get along with my mother, and whenever I try to be different in my life, with patience and love, everyone knows which buttons to push to unveil who I truly am, like eating frosting off of a burnt cupcake! I desire to be beautiful on the inside! That my family will love me, even during my struggles to learn to be fully mature in my actions, words, and deeds! I don't want to fear what my friends will find if they go to my family and ask what is Rachel really like?! I want them to hear, I am a woman of God, striving to be a loving, honourable, gospel spreading Christian! But that isn't going to happen without change! How do I change? Every time I try to change, my shallow buried bad habits are unearthed when I am pushed to anger. What can I do?! I want so much to change, to be a truly beautiful person in God's sight, but without him, I am lost!
God is the only one who can bring about beautiful change in a sinner! I am a horrible sinner, and I need God's forgiveness everyday! The only way I can continue, is if I humble myself before God, and give myself to him, like clay that is ready to be formed into a beautiful clay jar by the hands of the potter!
True beauty comes from a humble loving spirit of a person who has God's love! Someone in which God lives and shines through! My desire is to change for the right reasons! Not to make a name for myself, but that so the Lord can look on me, a sinner, and say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant!" I write this to myself, but I pray that you learn something through my experience! Let us all strive for Beautiful Change! God bless and thanks for reading!