My All

God is not satisfied until he has your all! Your heart, and soul, and mind, passed up to him to do as he will with them!
We all have a purpose, though we never find out about it right away, we need to wait, and keep our eyes open, for the day that God will reveal his plan for our lives. I can honestly say, God does not have my whole heart, but I want him too! I have not sacrificed myself , so that I might be the tool God wants me to be.
The only way to be fully given to God, is to sacrifice your fleshly wants and desires, and let God provide for your needs. He knows who that special person is that you will spend the rest of your life with, he knows when you need money, or when you need the energy just to make it through the day. There is know one else who knows more about you than God!
I am thankful that God has patience, cause I am still struggling trying to lay my life down at his feet. How wicked and deceitful the heart really is! Whether you believe it or not, you need to sacrifice your flesh to God, in order for him to use you the way your supposed to be used. God died for you, the least you can do is give your life back to him! I wish you all a Happy New Year! I hope you keep reading and commenting! God bless and love to all! <3

How do you pass the past?!

What can you do, when nagging deep within you is a love of the past, and it just won't fully go away?! How much you long to be rid of this agony, but at the same time, how much you want the past to be real again!

Is it a sign from God when the past just won't go away, or is Satan forever dangling it in your face?! You never truly know, until God shows you.

Everyday, I pray to God for his will, but is part of his will, my past?!

I can't fall down, knowing there is hope, neither can I stand up knowing its hopeless! But I know neither, so how shall I lie, or how shall I stand?!

So, I am sitting, not quite without hope, and not quite with it, just sitting, forever waiting for God's complete plan! For I know that God does not do anything without a purpose, and all I long for is the purpose, and plan of God! When will God stop hiding the truth from me?! When will I once again see what needs to be seen, and avoid those things which are evil?! I know only God himself can answer.

So, how do I sit, until I know whether the past is the future, or the past is forever lost?! Please help me Lord, for in my heart, I want to please you, in all that I do, show me the way, and I will not stray, forever in the pages of your living word! God bless!

And Finally, Part 6!

#6 Give yourself a thumbs up for a job well done! Gotta love fall chores! :D

Part 5

#5 Watch as the fire burns the leaves away to nothing but black and white ash! So cool! lol

Part 4

#4 Watch the leaves as they burn and burn, and enjoy the warmth at the same time! ( by now you are starting to smell like smoke, and have ashes on your hands and face! lol)

Part 3

Watch it as it smokes up the whole yard, not to mention your eyes! lol

Part 2

#2 Get a big pile of leaves to catch on fire! O fire, awesome! :D

Fall Chore I Love! Part 1

#1 Find a worker to rake leaves up, that doesn't mind getting gagged with smoke and ashes! (me) LOL!

Jackson Hole Bible College

I am finally on my last year of high school, and am now getting ready for my big step into adulthood!
I found a college that doesn't just look awesome, but fits my personality to a tee! :D
I am so very excited to be going I can't wait to have enough money for this! I wish money grew on trees! School has been going well, and God has really helped me become a more joyful young woman! I still can't get over the fact I am 18 now! Even more scary is the fact that in 2 years, I will be 20! :O My mom and dad don't even want to think about that! This college is in Wyoming, and every time I watch the video, it just makes me want to go all the more! :D Here is the link: http://www.jhbc.edu
Maybe you will even find this college worth the money! I never thought I would be this excited to go to college! I hope that all my blog followers and well, and I hope to continue to read your encouraging comments and notes! God bless all! <3

My Life Partner

What do you think of when you hear life partner? Husband, wife, friend? Depending on who you are, your answers with be different.

Have you even been lonely, or heart broken? In those moments its hard to keep steady, and continue to live life.

At times we believe that we will never have a loving friend, or partner. We believe that God has some how deprived us of what we want the most!

But it is so untrue! God gave us himself, to be both our lifetime partner and friend! He will love you more that you can ever expect from any person on earth. Cause God is capable of a deep love, one that fills your soul with joy, and your heart with songs of praise! It is only through God that we can continue on steady, even when our hearts ache for a partner in life! God is our partner, he will fill that empty spot in your heart forever!

Even when you do find your life partner, they will never take the place of God! For he is, and always will be our partner in life! All you have to do, is accept him! Thank you for reading! Love to all and God Bless! <3

Inner Beauty

In today's world, girls work so hard to look their best everyday, to attract guys, and impress everyone!
But no one thinks about what a girl is on the inside! For truly, the inside is who they truly are! No amount of flirting or good deeds is going to change that!
There is not one girl I know how doesn't constantly worry about her looks, including myself I admit! But us girl don't need to "hunt" for the man of our dreams, for God himself will make it possible for that special person to see who you are on the inside!
The wrong guy will fall in love with your outer beauty, while the right guy will fall in love with the girl on the inside! My first relationship taught me that, actions and beliefs and feelings mattered more than outward appearance! Cause as you grow in love, you will fall in love with them just as they are on the outside too!
So girls....keep your insides the priority, and God will help you with both the inside and the outside! Love to all! God bless! :D

The Apple of Someone's Eye

Are you the apple of someones eye? Seems strange to ask such a question, but seriously, who considers you to be everything to them? Your mom,dad,sister,brother,friend,boyfriend, or girlfriend? But sometimes we miss who we really should be longing to be the apple of of someones eye.

That is God! What does God think of you? Well, just so you know, you already are the apple of his eye! I doesn't matter whether or not you have him in your heart, he still loves you! He loved you so much he died for you, so that you might live eternally in Heaven.

For that, we should be willing to do no less than give our heart and soul to the one who gives us our every breath! God saves, is a statement you may have heard several times, but not until you accept Christ, can you truly understand how true that statement is! I am happy to say, that I am the apple of God's eye, not because I deserve it, but because he freely gave it, like when he freely gave his life for me! I love God, and the wonderful place on which we live!

So, live for God, and love the life you live! God bless, love you all! <3

I fell in love with Indiana! <3

I was extremely excited and nervous before my flight to Indiana to spend time with my best friend and sister in Christ, Amelia! I arrived and the fun began! I loved every minute I spent in the beautiful state of Indiana! And it wasn't just the trees and country side that made it beautiful, but friends and fellowship with God and man! I miss it already, but at the same time missed home and Minnesota weather! I missed my old friends, but at the same time made new ones! During my stay, we went fishing, we went to the creation museum AGAIN! Met my teacher Ron Dudek, which was a great blessing! And we went to Prairie Conner's, which is place where people are living in a set up like the 1800s, lots a good history to learn from that! I had a wonderful time, and at the same time, learned to benefit people with my light heart and happy spirit! My thoughts were with my friend that lived there, whom I will never see again, but my memories where happy ones. I wondered how they were, and where they were in their walk, and how life was going for them! I miss that person allot...but continue to cling the the promise that the Lord is with them! :) Hugs to all of the friends I left behind in Indiana! :) I also thank God for my safe travels, and the extra blessing that God gave me, I was moved to First Class in my last plane cause someone didn't show up for it! It was great! I thank God for my blessings and a great experience! I hope you all are still continuing to read my blog, I'll be on allot more now! :) <3

Kentucky Trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!

These are just some of the pics of my amazing trip to the Creation Museum!!!!!! The Neumans were our companions for the main fellowship we had there! I also got the awesome chance to meet several of the key speakers of Answers in Genesis!!!! It was great to meet them! (I am placing enlarged pics of my meetings with them at the bottom of my blog) This trip has also opened my eyes to how blind I have been these past months. I am not perfect, and after my trial, I wanted to give up, and drop my beliefs, and let the world take over from there. I guess you can say this trip has been a wake up call, and this is the last time you will here me speak of my trial! Yes, I will remember, and think of that person often...but from now on, I will try to make God the center of my life! I am going to treat my body like God's temple, and fill my mind with spiritual food! I am no longer going to just talk a good game, and I am going to live one! Truly God is patient! When I turn 18, I am going on a spiritual journey to learn how to lead people to Christ, and then go on a missions trip, if my tight wages allow...I pray I will have what I need! My dad always told me, that he has read several stories of people, who, while happily serving God, God sent that person he had planed for that person to be with! And if not the person, then the attitude to except a life of single service. I hope God will reveal himself to me, as I move forward in my spiritual life. I apologies for not posting more often, but truly I am now a new creature, and you will hear from me much more often! God bless, and keep reading and commenting! Love to all! <3

McDonald's Vollyball Team!

Let's go McDonald's, let's go! Hurrah!

I went to play volleyball today with all of my co-workers, along with several other McDonald's stores across our state! :D We played against each other until we had the teams lined up in order of performance! Then the winning teams played against each other, it was a blast! :D Today, I almost completely forgot my problems, it was so refreshing, I almost wanted to cry when it ended, it was too much fun! My team made fourth place in the finals and we received a cash reward of $5 each! The 1st place team received $20 for each team mate! So, for almost 4 hours, I ran, jumped, and got sand everywhere in my clothes, and had a wonderful time with friends! When I got home, I wished it could have lasted longer, it would have eased everything, and in many ways it did. I was reminded once again of how much I am blessed in my life! I love the fact that summer is really here for a while! :D Hope you are still enjoying reading my blog, and keep up with commenting! :D Thanks!

Shotgun girl is a lifeguard!

This is just a random picture of me! :P I have just started lifeguarding again, and I love it! Its so much fun, no matter if people come to swim or not, cause we lifeguards love to laugh and talk for hours! :D I have friends every where at work! Being a lifeguard is a responsibility, one I greatly enjoy, feeling both important and humbled by the task of guarding the lives of other peoples children and family members. Today I went swimming with a friend before going on duty, it was great! Even though it was raining and cold out, the water was wonderfully warm! :) After break sounded, I quickly showered and went on duty, but never did get to guard anyone cause it got colder and no one was crazy enough to jump in! LOL! So we left the pool open for a couple hours and played cards and laughed, it was great, even though it did get boring at the end! Work doesn't mean no fun, but it does mean responsibility! Even though the love of other people may fail me, God will never stop loving me, no matter what!

I wonder why God chose to bless me so much when I have been so ungrateful. My mind has been full of my suffering, but now I see truly how much I am loved by my heavenly Father!

Summer has begun!

So let's strip down to nothing and go swimming to cool off! :D This summer promises so much! Just looking at the next couple of weeks, I will be so busy with my two jobs, and my summer activities! So many things have changed in the last few years. I personally don't feel like I have changed, which probably isn't a good thing.....but I feel that God really does have a calling on my life. I have yet to find out what that calling is, but as I continue to work at earning my college fund, I feel a peace about the future! My whole family is looking forward to this summer, we all feel ready for some fun! The pool has opened, school is over, friends are free to play, and there is a ton of work to do! Some fun! :D :P lol! I know I probably won't get as much free time as usual cause I will be working so much! But I thank God for what he has done, even with the sad things that have happened in the last year, I still praise him for everything else he has done! I pray one day to be able to completely leave my depression behind, and turn over a new leaf! I still cry over what happened, I know now for sure that I will never ever forget what happened! I am looking forward to the trips we will take this summer, and the fun activities that are planned for this year! :D Oh wonderful, wonderful summer! :D

Going the extra mile!

With the summer weather kicking in, its time to get motivated! Last year, I was really getting into working out, and becoming in shape. Now, with a new year, I will once again charge the mountain! I love bike riding, and my work position provides a perfect excuse to bike. I live nine miles away from my job at McDonald's, and a block away from my job as a life guard at the pool. Today, I am going to bike to work for the first time this year! I am so looking forward to this chance at biking long distances. 9 miles is a nice workout, and it helps to keep you healthy and fit! When I first started biking to work, I lost 8 pounds in one week! Its a great feeling, and actually, working out gives you energy, instead of taking it away, as long as you don't over do it! So today, I will bike 18 miles, to work and back! I am really looking forward to this whole new venture. Its so great to be out in God creation, having some time of peace before working indoors! I strongly encourage people, for them to pick some form of exercise to do for the rest of the year. Not only will you become more fit, but your attitude will change as well. Wish me luck my first day of starting this after a whole winter of being cooped up indoors! I feel the joy of the season, and the joy of God filling me with peace about this year, even though this year has already turn out quite hard for me to deal with, I find myself still looking forward to it! It will be harder for me to get a chance to post in this blog as the summer season takes my train of thought away from my quiet life of winter time. I intend to keep in touch with all of my friends this year, so if you're a friend, and your reading this, feel special, cause I'll be a hard person to catch this year! :P :D God Bless you all, and have a great summer! <3>

Beautiful Life!

I think we all have experienced those crazy days when we wonder why we even try to make it through every day life. But, we must awaken to the fact, that we each have something to be thankful for!

I know, life sometimes stinks, but we would be lying to say we don't love this life we live in! In my life, I am surrounded by children's laughter, screaming, crying, and fighting. I am surrounded by papers, schedules, and work hours. My life is full; my future running before me with no apparent end. I love my siblings, all of them are adorable, and unique in their own special way! They all have their special talents, their special smiles, their special dimples, and their special hugs! I have several friends, girl and boy alike. I love everyone of them, far or near, they are all dear to me! The times I get a chance to be with them, are more special to me than the long school breaks, or the fishing trips with grandpa, I would rather be with them! :) I have two really good jobs, in which I am loved and respected by almost everyone. God couldn't have picked a more undeserving soul than myself! In the midst of my suffering, I am blessed! Thank you God for the beautiful life you have given me! Once again I can see love shining through my life....what more could I want! As the key chain says that was given to me as a birthday gift, it explains my life well; Life is a journey, God is my guide; we travel safely together, side by side! <3

I Turn Back to Him!

Have you ever had that old serpent, the Devil around your neck trying to get you to turn your face from your Saviour?! I can say that after the trial I went through, my face was not looking to God, but at my broken heart, and life problems. I have just returned to Him and his Word, no longer the strong confident girl I thought I was, but a beaten, weak and broken soul. I have cried many a tear, and tossed and turned many nights over my sorry plight. I can say this, I have learned that feeling sorry for yourself is not something to invest your time and strength into. Instead, when life's ride gets bumpy, look toward God. He is the only one who knows your every thought, your every question, your every struggle. Our human mind cannot fathom God's love for us, or what he does everyday just to get our much desired attention. God desires our love like the groom desires his bride! We are the bride of Christ.....let's start acting like we are the bride, instead of the wedding coordinator, who has the very weight of the world on his or her shoulders! I would not recommend anyone to walk the path I have been walking the past few days. If you are already walking the path of self pity, GET OFF OF IT! Looking at my life, I am still so blessed by God, I wonder that God didn't say to me, " Hey, look at all this, then tell me to my face that I have let you down!" I have gone back to Him, and He has welcomed His lost child with open arms and overflowing love! I feel God's joy re-entering my heart, I feel once more fulfilled! Yes, I still ask, "Why did this have to happen, Lord?" But I may never know. God only knows why this had to happened to me. I have a big family, many friends, and a God who loves me! What more do I possibly need?! Not to mention I have two great paying jobs! God has blessed me more than I deserve! I love Him with all my heart! Thank you God for all you have done for me!
Now, don't get me wrong, life is going to be bumpy whether God is in your life or not, but your future is secure in His care! Accept Him, repent and ask Him to come in to your heart, and He will give you the joy of salvation! Thanks for reading! God bless you!

Late Night Surprise!

Being a young teen, I am still under my parent's authority. So when it comes time to go to bed, you get a hug and a kiss from the parent's and are sent to bed, knowing in your mind that Mom and Dad want you to be in bed so they can watch their late night movie together. Well, last night, my dad was at work, and my mom was watching a movie by herself. We had been sent to bed on time, tucked in, and light off. I turned on my book light, to read briefly from two of my books. I then turned on my ipod and nestled under my covers for a peaceful night sleep. Well, I had been sleeping for about an hour, when all of a sudden, my cell goes off, and its one of my friends from work! :O I said, "Hi?" in a groggy voice, and my friend says, " Guess what?!" I am right outside your house, and we want you to come outside and say hi!" Just to let you in on something, it was 11:30 at night when he called! His girlfriend was back from college for a little bit, and she and I were good friends and she wanted to see me really bad! So I go upstairs, and say to my mom, " Mom, I know this is going to sound weird, but a bunch of my friends from work are right outside our house, and they want me to come out and say hi! Would you mind if I went out?" She surprised me by saying sure....so out I went (in my pj's!) to go give hugs and talk for a bit. I ended up talking for a half an hour with them. By the time I got back in bed it was after midnight! What a night! I'll tell you I slept really well for the rest of the night! LOL!

Church Youth Program

This Saturday I am going to a church youth program! I am really looking forward to it! :D I don't know for sure what all we are going to do, but I do know that we are having homemade pizza for the food! Awesome!

In this picture, I have my softball and glove. I don't often play ball, but when I do get a chance, I really enjoy it! I am continuing to work at McDonald's, I am very busy! I just had a lifeguard meeting for the pool, sounds like this is going to be quite a summer! We also are finishing painting our big girls bedroom! It's pinkish purple! Quite a color, I know! I am looking forward to when it's all done and I can sleep in my own lofted bed again! Aw, I'll sleep really good then! :)

Well, this has turned out to be a varied post, and probably the shortest post I have written! lol I hope you are enjoy reading my blog, and that you will continue to visit! God Bless!

My busy future!

I am your typical teen, and as I near graduation and college, my laid back days are becoming few and far between.

This summer is going to be one busy ride for me. I don't think my brain can even calculate how hard I will be working. I now have two jobs, I work part time as a Crew Trainer at the local McDonald's. Now, as the season of summer comes into play, I will be guarding the lives of young swimmers as they try to cool off during this hot summer. I must admit, up until now, I have had little to no self motivation. I feel weak. The hard times I have been going through haven't helped me get my head cleared up. I don't know what to do.

I will be flipping burgers like crazy as this busy summer season starts, and I will be getting a sunburn up in the "Big bad guard chair".

I am also working on getting ready for graduation this next year (as if you can be ready for graduation). I am nervous, wondering if I'll make it! Now, to top it all off, my dad found a college I would be able to afford.....cool right?! Well, in a way, yes. But in another way, it just shows me how much responsibility I am going to have in my court.

This will be worse than "regular life" cause I have never had so much responsibility as I will have this summer and next year with upcoming graduation.

Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better just to start my life over, with full knowledge of my "first try" and this time I would be prepared and nothing that happened to me will happen this time. How I wish I could do that! I know for sure I would have a relationship with my family that would be three times better than the one I have now, and none of my friends would have been hurt by my own stupidity and stubborn mind.

I praise God for saving me from myself, without him I would have given into my selfish impulses a long time ago, and would probably be in foster care. Yeah, I admit I am a selfish, proud person by nature, and at times these sides of me show through......I just wish they didn't cover up the one I am trying to shine through me with my life. I am not proud of myself......any more that is. I wish God would show me what will happen next, I feel like a kid who knows her parents are planning something for her birthday but she doesn't know what it is cause her parents are giving her the "silent treatment". I wonder what God thinks of me, is he proud of this child?! Is he proud of how she treats her earthly parents?! Does he think she still needs more work than is possible to put into one human being?! All this, and more goes through my mind all day and night, often times my mind is so full of questions, most of which I am afraid to ask about, that I don't get much sleep.

I think I now see myself as my parents and some of my closer friends see me, a selfish child who is too young for the mature world. That means marriage is way out of my league, right?! I don't even know why I long for marriage and a family, except for the fact I wish for love and care and serving that which is worth serving. But, I know very well I can be fulfilled in Christ, but he seems so far away since my trial, and its probably cause I haven't allowed him to help, thinking, "I can tough it out, I am good! "

I wonder at God's love, its so unlike any other love, if I was supposed to love someone like me, I would probably give up on myself! Why hasn't God given up?! The only answer is that he loves me more than any human ever could! It makes me cry to think, he really loves me, he is willing to die for me.....do I deserve this?! NO, I DON'T! After all of my mistakes, and sins, why is he so willing to throw them over the side, instead of rubbing it in my proud face, as I really deserve?! I pray God brings me to my senses, I need to be wise and understanding in order to live through this summer, and I don't feel nearly ready enough. God help me follow the path of the future you have lovingly and carefully laid at my feet. Walk with me God, into my future!

Healing

Ever wiped out on your bike and scraped yourself up pretty bad? It takes a little bit for it to heal, even if your mom is being a really good doctor. And afterwards, you sometimes have a scar to remind you of your accident.

Well, it's the same with emotional scrapes, they often leave scars in our minds, and we will never fully forget them.

I can say that this hard trial has left a mental wound, and it is still wide open, and it hurts deeply. It has been hard to move on, and I find myself replaying every part of the trial in my mind at night, instead of getting the much needed rest.

I admit, my mind has been absent, and for the first few days, my devotions where neglected. Now, as I pick them up, and what I have left in my life, trying to start afresh, I realize how much God wants my attention.

How do we heal? How do we start over? Well, without God, we will never fully start over the way we should, which could damage our future. God cares, and he wants to help pick us up and help us get our fresh start in life, with him at the center of it! I still don't have the answers I want as far as why this trial had to happen in the midst of something important to me. But I have given it to God. I no longer have any hope to cling to, which I suppose, will help me move on, but never forget. I have stored all my memories from this, and I will remember my friend and trial, with sweet memories of the good times within the short amount of time when I was really really happy! :) I still smile with fondness at the experience and friendship I had, it is an unforgettable moment in my life, a hard healing memory!

Losing my Best Friend

Have you ever lost a best friend? I have just lost mine. Yesterday I cried harder than I ever have before in a long time. This has never happened to me before, especially with someone I loved and cared about. It hurts more than words can express. We have parted ways, and we will probably never speak to or see each other again.

I don't understand why this had to happen, tears come to my eyes every time I think about it. Again, I find myself wanting to scream to the heavens, WHY?! Why me?! ;(

I enjoyed our friendship more than anything else on earth, and wouldn't trade the time I spent with that person for anything on earth.

In a way, our parting was bittersweet, both of us know we will never forget each other. My mother told me, that allowing myself to love, I opened myself up to pain. It hurts to love, and it hurts even more to part forever.

I sincerely wish my friend every happiness in the world, that God would bless that person with everything good on earth. I will see my friend again, in God's holy presence, in our true home with our heavenly Father.

Missions Trip

My dad has been speaking to me of the possibility that God might have a calling on my life to be a servant of him. My dad also says he is going to send me on a missions trip to another land!

My first reaction to this is excitement on the prospect of being able to see the world! My second reaction, is a feeling of honor and grace, that God might have choosen me for a lifetime of serving him on earth!

I pray that God provides me with a help mate, cause I yearn for a family like I yearn for God's will in my life. I am excited. I am nearing my last year of high school, and I am growing in the Word. I must say I am very unaware of the world, there is very little that I know, outside of the things I have been taught, or have taught myself.

Life is not an easy road in and of itself, but when it comes down to life and death, people choose life. So I to will choose life, living in the word and presence of God.

My trials which rage against me makes it difficult to love the Lord like a should, I feel trapped in my problems. I pray God will save me from more heartache, that may come from this trial which I am going though right now. And I pray that God does choose me to be his instrument! I would rather be a servant of Christ, then spend the rest of my life in a career. I hope that if God's will is that I stay single so as to better serve him, I pray he will help me accept his will for my life, and that he will protect me from the wickedness of this world! Let me run with perseverance the race that is set before me!

Hunting with the Word

What gun do you use to bring people to Christ?! Do you use the "wonderful life" gun or the "Ten Commandments" gun?

What's the difference you ask? Well, how do you bring someone to Christ? Do you speak of sin? Do you speak of hell? Or the judgment? Or do you use a message that goes something like this...'God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life, and if you just pray this prayer and ask Christ into your heart, you're set for life...'?

What is wrong with this teaching is, people will only come to Christ because they want to try him out and see if it's really true that God will make your life easier. Then when life's ride gets a little bumpy, they quickly ditch Christ.

Paul tells us that he did not know sin but by the law. The law is the schoolmaster to lead us to Christ. It is not until people see just how much they are guilty before God, that they want to put on God to save them from destruction. So, which gun do you hunt with?! Do you aim at man's ideas, and the place of argument, or do you aim for the heart and the conscience? Maybe you need to change your hunting tactics, only then can you down the soul into a humble submission before the Lord and his word. Hunt with the Word, and you'll never miss!

One Day

Some people today, look at one year as something big, while a day is mostly meaningless.

But one day can be really important, and it can have a special memory. I can remember important days, but sometimes, the days that are supposed to mean something, are worthless compared to those special moments that are in one day.

In the picture, this day was special to me, I purchased my first car.

Sometimes, it's easy to forget important days. And sometimes its hard to forget days you don't want to remember.

I am trying in vain to forget the day I was separated from a close friend. That day has been the hardest day of my life, so much harder then when my horse was sold.

You can see how one day, can change the outcome of a year. Even just one moment can change a future! So, remember the important years, but cherish the moments!

Trials

I am going through a trial. How many of us enjoy a trial?! Not a single one right?

The day before my trial began, I was the happiest girl ever, sure of myself and what the future held for me, and fell asleep smiling. When my dad woke me up at 1:30 in the morning, I was too happy to complain that I hadn't gotten any sleep. My dad told me to drive us to town, to go to Perkins where we often went to have father/daughter chat time. What he had to say to me, was something I didn't expect....it left me devastated! I still haven't had another good cry about it, but believe me I cried hard that morning.

I fear to let myself weep for my loss, it makes my heart ache. I'll admit, I am angry, and hurt, and I want to blame someone or something for my suffering. It's been hard to love God in the middle of my grief. What am I going to do?!

I am no longer certain what God has planned for me, I feel like his plan was taken from me, but how can that be?! I am troubled by the fact that the other person involved might not know what I am thinking. And that no matter what the out come is.......I feel helpless! I don't want to talk of the reasons for this trial. I pray that I never have to see another day like this one, and I pray that my friend never has to see another day like this. I lay this all before God, and I have completely let it go. I fear to let myself hope, but it is what I loosely hold on to, praying that God would let this storm pass.

My heart is broken, I want to scream to the heavens, Why God?! Why now?! Why here?! My father believes that God may have a calling on my life. I believe this is true. I am going to place my foot forward, and stir the waters of a ministry, and see if God blesses me with a life of service. I pray though, with my whole heart, that part of God's plan, is my friend! God help me to accept the outcome! Thy will be done!

Loving work?!

Do you have a job?! Do you like your job?! How many of your co-workers do you get along with?

I have two jobs, and I love them both! I work at a McDonald's! I can hear you clapping! :P It's a very nice job, my co-workers are great, they are so much fun, and so are my bosses! You really do need to enjoy the time you spend at work, cause if you don't, it affects you a lot!

I also work as a lifeguard at a pool! Now this job is fun, cause all you have to do is sit high up on a chair, and watch other people swim while you get a sun burn! LOL! I make good friends while I work, and they are always a joy to work with! I hope that you to have a job you find worth while! One of the things I do when God presents an opportunity, is share the Gospel with my co-workers. I don't always get a nice response, but I am still friends with everyone on the force. People trust me, and give me great opportunities to prove my honesty, but without God, I wouldn't be a successful worker. God has really helped me these past couple years! And I hope to stay with McDonald's and the pool, until I get married and start raising a family of my own! That is one thing I know I will like more than work! I hope that in your job God is giving you opportunities to show how good of a worker you are under Christ!

The Power of Prayer

When is the last time you have prayed? Why do you pray anyway? Do you only pray when things are going wrong, or do you pray in the good times too?!

I think it is safe to say that all of us struggle with our prayer life, and we do not take advantage of the great blessing we have within our grasp, the ability to speak to our Lord. When I was younger, I only prayed by myself in the bad times. And now, I still am not taking my time with the Lord like I should. Prayer is an important part of your life.

I found that when I pray every morning and evening, I have peace in my heart, and I sleep well at night. God is with me in the hard times and in the good times. And even when it feels like he is far away, he is really very close! I thank God for our ability to go to him in prayer, because without him, we are hopelessly lost!

Find ways to make a time during the day a prayer time, pray by yourself, pray with the one you love, pray with your family, your siblings, or with a good friend. God is always there, waiting for us to praise him, and to cry out to him in our times of need. He is like a loving father, and all he wants is to help us in our life.

I know now more than ever, that praying with someone who is dear to you, is a great blessing, and is a very peaceful and wonderful moment! Prayer is powerful, but only if you pray! Cry out to the Lord today!

Courtship....godly dating?!

What is courtship?! Today, when people hear the word courtship or courting, they think its just godly dating, where the same rules as normal dating apply, but just under a godly light. This is not what courting is, it is something much more.

Courting is really a question about the future.....is marriage God's plan for me and my friend? Courting is not something to be taken lightly.

So what is courtship?! It's dating with a purpose. It's friendship plus possibility. It's romance chaperoned by wisdom. During a courtship, we learn about the good, the bad, and the ugly in the one we love.

Today, in this sinful world, people have taken the meaning of a relationship, and completely ruined what it stands for. Today, physical contact is something that should happen, not something to be avoided because they are not yet married. So many people ruin their lives by believing in this lie of lust.

A true relationship is an obedient approach to the possibility that God meant for you and your special someone, to be join together for life! The love between two people joined in marriage is something that God delights in, seeing the love shared in his creation.

Until we see the truth, we will never understand the full meaning of courtship. For more in depth discussion on courtship, read Joshua Harris' book, Boy meets Girl. Thank you for reading!

Family

Do you have a big family? I am the oldest of 8 children. Does that count as a big family?! Each and everyone of my siblings are very special to me, but don't get me wrong, I have had my bad days with all of them. But they are very special!

Most people these days consider a large family to be a burden, both with money and physical labor. But in my family, each child is a treasure, a gift from God. My dad calls all of us,"his treasures", or his "quiver of arrows". We are all special and unique in our own way, and my parents love us all. We are often told that we are crazy to have such a big family, and that my parents should have stopped having children a while ago. But they are wrong, the love shared in a family is not something to be passed up as too much to ask, it's a wonderful blessing! I want to have children of my own, and I will live my life the way God wants me to with my family. Sure, our family isn't rich, or famous, but we all have a place in heaven with the Lord. And while we are here, we can set an example to people, an example that will change their views on a large family, and faith in Christ!

The Blessing of Friends

Do you have a lot of friends? What is a friend to you? Well, to me, a friend is another form of support other than your family. A friend is someone to count on, someone you know will keep their word.

It's true that most of us, aren't the best at being a good friend. Sometimes our friends are the true friends.

God has blessed me with so many friends this past year I can't believe it! I can't even count them all or get all their birthdays or ages straight! Some of them are strong brothers and sisters in Christ, and I wouldn't trade any of my friends, saved or not, for anything!

My saved friends strengthen me. If I lack in one area, I have a friend who is strong in that area! If one of my friends is weak in one area, I am perhaps stronger in that area. Friends help each other, and make one another feel like they belong. God knows we need a friend, and that is why he offers his friendship to whoever will accept him and realize he belongs on your list of friends. Think of that! How would you like to have God for your best friend forever?! God is my bff, is he yours? If he isn't, its not too late to ask him to be your friend, cause you will find that God is the most fulfilling friend you will ever have! God is the one who provides you with your friends on earth, He knows who you need! Let God be your best friend today! He is the friend you really need!

Children...a gift from God

How many women these days want to have a child? Why are there things like abortion, adoption, and foster care? Today's world has changed how many people look at children. I have read stories of women who secretly wanted to raise a family, but were to afraid to admit it because it didn't fit today's views! How sad.

I want to have a family more than I want any career. I have told quite a few people about this, and even though I have had people look at me like I am crazy, I am not ashamed, because there is nothing to be ashamed of! Every women should have a longing to have children, and want to raise a family, because children are a gift from God, not a burden!

And yet, babies are aborted every day in the United States. Why would anyone want to take the life of a child?! I will never, ever consider abortion. It is murder, plain and simple.

In the picture above is the youngest of my 7 siblings, Benjamin. He is so precious to me, along with every one of my siblings. I am watching all of my siblings grow up from a small baby into a youth, and I look forward to watching them mature into godly young men and women! My whole family wants to grow up and have a family! We all want children, because they are a blessing! Thank God for the children in our lives! Children are also an indication of how much you and your partner love each other! I could go on and on about this, so just remember, love the children in your life, don't kill them, or their futures!

That special someone

Have you yet to find that special person you are to spend the rest of your life with? Or have you been bombarded with the world's view of marriage and love?
Today, people don't stay together in marriage like they used to, but look at divorce as an option if things don't go right. God has be taken out of the joining of souls, between a man and a woman who love eachother, and that is why so many marriages fail today.
Are you married, or divorced, or are you like me, who is still waiting for that right person to come along? If you are married, give your marriage to Jesus, he is the only one who will make it really work in the end. If your divorced, ask the Lord to forgive you, and start a new life in his glorious works.
To me, being single for the rest of my life is a scary thought....I long for love, and a family, and a husband. I am sure to some of you, this sounds out dated and silly, cause who wants to get married, especially at a young age! But that is where the world is wrong, marriage is a beautiful union between a man and woman, sacred vows that are to be kept until "death do us part". Most people don't look at marriage vows as being sacred any more, when most people say, "for better or worse" they really only mean, "for the better". Its a sad fact.
If God ever brings that one person I will pledge my life and complete devotion to, I will never forsake those sacred vows, nor will I loose my purity, until the day I say "I do"! I have never been touched, only by the will of God, who loves to guide and protect his children. Is God your heavenly father?! In the picture above is my grandparents. They have been happily married for almost 42 years, and by God's grace have stayed together.
I can see the love between them everytime I go to visit them, and I long to share that same kind of love with a man. Everthing I have learned in life, has been through God, my parents, grandparents and friends. I could probably say that my life started out "easy" compared to some, but its not to late to be washed in God's love and forgiveness!
If you have your partner, love him or her, for God gave you them as a gift, to show how much he really does love you!

What is it?

What is love? Does anyone really know what it is? I believe it's one of the most used, and misused words in the human language. Many people say everyday the words, "I love you" but may never really mean it. There are basically two ways to love a person.

There is conditional love. This is sadly the most common among lovers. It's where you only love someone for what you can get out of them, if they mess up or do something wrong, you no longer love them.

Then, there is unconditional love. This is the kind of love you want, so if you find someone who loves you unconditionally, treasure them! This is a love, where you love someone no matter what, whether they get better or worse, you still love them. This is the love we should have for the people we care about, and even, the people we don't know as well!

I can sadly say, that I have not always loved someone unconditionally. But I can honestly say that I now know how to love unconditionally with those special people in my life. ( if your reading this, and your one of those special people, you should know how special you are by now :))

And if your waiting for a special someone to come into your life, or you already found that someone, learn to love them unconditionally, and everyday, do something special that shows how much you really love them, and never give up a chance to give that someone a hug! <3

My Lady

I believe that everyone has experienced some form of loss in their life. In this picture, is the greatest love and the greatest loss of my life.
Lady was my 15th birthday present from my Dad and grandparents. Ever since I can remember I have wanted a horse of my very own! The day we went to look for a horse for me, I was so excited, I couldn't hold still. We went to a small farm where the owner was trying to sell two horses. He brought us into a big pasture, and shook a can of grain. When I saw Lady, I knew she was the one! She was beautiful, completely black, with four white socks and a stripe of white down her face. She was a lot like me at the time, stubborn and spirited. But she was beautiful and I loved her so much!
I didn't think I would ever want another thing on earth, now that I had my one wish. The days I spent with Lady didn't seem real, as I trained her to ride and lead. No matter the trouble, I enjoyed every minute I spent with her. She and I became so close, I believe as close as any human can have with an animal, but she wasn't just an animal to me, she was my best friend. In my heart I believed it was settled that Lady would from now on be a part of my life until the day she died.
But that belief was soon to be broken, into a hundred pieces. One day, while preparing to go out to work with Lady on her training, my dad took me aside to tell me, Lady was going to be sold. You can imagine my great sadness, I was devastated! I put my head in my hands, and sobbed like a child. To put yourself in my shoes, imagine your dad tells you that he is sending your best friend away from you, and you'll never see that friend ever again.
Just retelling this story makes me cry, even though it's been almost a year since Lady was sold, it still hurts to look back. So, no matter how much you think about how you'll never lose things you love, there is no guarantee. God is in control of your life, and He knew what would happen to you and to me before it even happened. And even though how it ended was the greatest trial of my life, that year and a half that I had with my Lady, was the best year and a half of my life!