Trials

I am going through a trial. How many of us enjoy a trial?! Not a single one right?

The day before my trial began, I was the happiest girl ever, sure of myself and what the future held for me, and fell asleep smiling. When my dad woke me up at 1:30 in the morning, I was too happy to complain that I hadn't gotten any sleep. My dad told me to drive us to town, to go to Perkins where we often went to have father/daughter chat time. What he had to say to me, was something I didn't expect....it left me devastated! I still haven't had another good cry about it, but believe me I cried hard that morning.

I fear to let myself weep for my loss, it makes my heart ache. I'll admit, I am angry, and hurt, and I want to blame someone or something for my suffering. It's been hard to love God in the middle of my grief. What am I going to do?!

I am no longer certain what God has planned for me, I feel like his plan was taken from me, but how can that be?! I am troubled by the fact that the other person involved might not know what I am thinking. And that no matter what the out come is.......I feel helpless! I don't want to talk of the reasons for this trial. I pray that I never have to see another day like this one, and I pray that my friend never has to see another day like this. I lay this all before God, and I have completely let it go. I fear to let myself hope, but it is what I loosely hold on to, praying that God would let this storm pass.

My heart is broken, I want to scream to the heavens, Why God?! Why now?! Why here?! My father believes that God may have a calling on my life. I believe this is true. I am going to place my foot forward, and stir the waters of a ministry, and see if God blesses me with a life of service. I pray though, with my whole heart, that part of God's plan, is my friend! God help me to accept the outcome! Thy will be done!