Late Night Surprise!

Being a young teen, I am still under my parent's authority. So when it comes time to go to bed, you get a hug and a kiss from the parent's and are sent to bed, knowing in your mind that Mom and Dad want you to be in bed so they can watch their late night movie together. Well, last night, my dad was at work, and my mom was watching a movie by herself. We had been sent to bed on time, tucked in, and light off. I turned on my book light, to read briefly from two of my books. I then turned on my ipod and nestled under my covers for a peaceful night sleep. Well, I had been sleeping for about an hour, when all of a sudden, my cell goes off, and its one of my friends from work! :O I said, "Hi?" in a groggy voice, and my friend says, " Guess what?!" I am right outside your house, and we want you to come outside and say hi!" Just to let you in on something, it was 11:30 at night when he called! His girlfriend was back from college for a little bit, and she and I were good friends and she wanted to see me really bad! So I go upstairs, and say to my mom, " Mom, I know this is going to sound weird, but a bunch of my friends from work are right outside our house, and they want me to come out and say hi! Would you mind if I went out?" She surprised me by saying sure....so out I went (in my pj's!) to go give hugs and talk for a bit. I ended up talking for a half an hour with them. By the time I got back in bed it was after midnight! What a night! I'll tell you I slept really well for the rest of the night! LOL!

Church Youth Program

This Saturday I am going to a church youth program! I am really looking forward to it! :D I don't know for sure what all we are going to do, but I do know that we are having homemade pizza for the food! Awesome!

In this picture, I have my softball and glove. I don't often play ball, but when I do get a chance, I really enjoy it! I am continuing to work at McDonald's, I am very busy! I just had a lifeguard meeting for the pool, sounds like this is going to be quite a summer! We also are finishing painting our big girls bedroom! It's pinkish purple! Quite a color, I know! I am looking forward to when it's all done and I can sleep in my own lofted bed again! Aw, I'll sleep really good then! :)

Well, this has turned out to be a varied post, and probably the shortest post I have written! lol I hope you are enjoy reading my blog, and that you will continue to visit! God Bless!

My busy future!

I am your typical teen, and as I near graduation and college, my laid back days are becoming few and far between.

This summer is going to be one busy ride for me. I don't think my brain can even calculate how hard I will be working. I now have two jobs, I work part time as a Crew Trainer at the local McDonald's. Now, as the season of summer comes into play, I will be guarding the lives of young swimmers as they try to cool off during this hot summer. I must admit, up until now, I have had little to no self motivation. I feel weak. The hard times I have been going through haven't helped me get my head cleared up. I don't know what to do.

I will be flipping burgers like crazy as this busy summer season starts, and I will be getting a sunburn up in the "Big bad guard chair".

I am also working on getting ready for graduation this next year (as if you can be ready for graduation). I am nervous, wondering if I'll make it! Now, to top it all off, my dad found a college I would be able to afford.....cool right?! Well, in a way, yes. But in another way, it just shows me how much responsibility I am going to have in my court.

This will be worse than "regular life" cause I have never had so much responsibility as I will have this summer and next year with upcoming graduation.

Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better just to start my life over, with full knowledge of my "first try" and this time I would be prepared and nothing that happened to me will happen this time. How I wish I could do that! I know for sure I would have a relationship with my family that would be three times better than the one I have now, and none of my friends would have been hurt by my own stupidity and stubborn mind.

I praise God for saving me from myself, without him I would have given into my selfish impulses a long time ago, and would probably be in foster care. Yeah, I admit I am a selfish, proud person by nature, and at times these sides of me show through......I just wish they didn't cover up the one I am trying to shine through me with my life. I am not proud of myself......any more that is. I wish God would show me what will happen next, I feel like a kid who knows her parents are planning something for her birthday but she doesn't know what it is cause her parents are giving her the "silent treatment". I wonder what God thinks of me, is he proud of this child?! Is he proud of how she treats her earthly parents?! Does he think she still needs more work than is possible to put into one human being?! All this, and more goes through my mind all day and night, often times my mind is so full of questions, most of which I am afraid to ask about, that I don't get much sleep.

I think I now see myself as my parents and some of my closer friends see me, a selfish child who is too young for the mature world. That means marriage is way out of my league, right?! I don't even know why I long for marriage and a family, except for the fact I wish for love and care and serving that which is worth serving. But, I know very well I can be fulfilled in Christ, but he seems so far away since my trial, and its probably cause I haven't allowed him to help, thinking, "I can tough it out, I am good! "

I wonder at God's love, its so unlike any other love, if I was supposed to love someone like me, I would probably give up on myself! Why hasn't God given up?! The only answer is that he loves me more than any human ever could! It makes me cry to think, he really loves me, he is willing to die for me.....do I deserve this?! NO, I DON'T! After all of my mistakes, and sins, why is he so willing to throw them over the side, instead of rubbing it in my proud face, as I really deserve?! I pray God brings me to my senses, I need to be wise and understanding in order to live through this summer, and I don't feel nearly ready enough. God help me follow the path of the future you have lovingly and carefully laid at my feet. Walk with me God, into my future!

Healing

Ever wiped out on your bike and scraped yourself up pretty bad? It takes a little bit for it to heal, even if your mom is being a really good doctor. And afterwards, you sometimes have a scar to remind you of your accident.

Well, it's the same with emotional scrapes, they often leave scars in our minds, and we will never fully forget them.

I can say that this hard trial has left a mental wound, and it is still wide open, and it hurts deeply. It has been hard to move on, and I find myself replaying every part of the trial in my mind at night, instead of getting the much needed rest.

I admit, my mind has been absent, and for the first few days, my devotions where neglected. Now, as I pick them up, and what I have left in my life, trying to start afresh, I realize how much God wants my attention.

How do we heal? How do we start over? Well, without God, we will never fully start over the way we should, which could damage our future. God cares, and he wants to help pick us up and help us get our fresh start in life, with him at the center of it! I still don't have the answers I want as far as why this trial had to happen in the midst of something important to me. But I have given it to God. I no longer have any hope to cling to, which I suppose, will help me move on, but never forget. I have stored all my memories from this, and I will remember my friend and trial, with sweet memories of the good times within the short amount of time when I was really really happy! :) I still smile with fondness at the experience and friendship I had, it is an unforgettable moment in my life, a hard healing memory!

Losing my Best Friend

Have you ever lost a best friend? I have just lost mine. Yesterday I cried harder than I ever have before in a long time. This has never happened to me before, especially with someone I loved and cared about. It hurts more than words can express. We have parted ways, and we will probably never speak to or see each other again.

I don't understand why this had to happen, tears come to my eyes every time I think about it. Again, I find myself wanting to scream to the heavens, WHY?! Why me?! ;(

I enjoyed our friendship more than anything else on earth, and wouldn't trade the time I spent with that person for anything on earth.

In a way, our parting was bittersweet, both of us know we will never forget each other. My mother told me, that allowing myself to love, I opened myself up to pain. It hurts to love, and it hurts even more to part forever.

I sincerely wish my friend every happiness in the world, that God would bless that person with everything good on earth. I will see my friend again, in God's holy presence, in our true home with our heavenly Father.

Missions Trip

My dad has been speaking to me of the possibility that God might have a calling on my life to be a servant of him. My dad also says he is going to send me on a missions trip to another land!

My first reaction to this is excitement on the prospect of being able to see the world! My second reaction, is a feeling of honor and grace, that God might have choosen me for a lifetime of serving him on earth!

I pray that God provides me with a help mate, cause I yearn for a family like I yearn for God's will in my life. I am excited. I am nearing my last year of high school, and I am growing in the Word. I must say I am very unaware of the world, there is very little that I know, outside of the things I have been taught, or have taught myself.

Life is not an easy road in and of itself, but when it comes down to life and death, people choose life. So I to will choose life, living in the word and presence of God.

My trials which rage against me makes it difficult to love the Lord like a should, I feel trapped in my problems. I pray God will save me from more heartache, that may come from this trial which I am going though right now. And I pray that God does choose me to be his instrument! I would rather be a servant of Christ, then spend the rest of my life in a career. I hope that if God's will is that I stay single so as to better serve him, I pray he will help me accept his will for my life, and that he will protect me from the wickedness of this world! Let me run with perseverance the race that is set before me!

Hunting with the Word

What gun do you use to bring people to Christ?! Do you use the "wonderful life" gun or the "Ten Commandments" gun?

What's the difference you ask? Well, how do you bring someone to Christ? Do you speak of sin? Do you speak of hell? Or the judgment? Or do you use a message that goes something like this...'God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life, and if you just pray this prayer and ask Christ into your heart, you're set for life...'?

What is wrong with this teaching is, people will only come to Christ because they want to try him out and see if it's really true that God will make your life easier. Then when life's ride gets a little bumpy, they quickly ditch Christ.

Paul tells us that he did not know sin but by the law. The law is the schoolmaster to lead us to Christ. It is not until people see just how much they are guilty before God, that they want to put on God to save them from destruction. So, which gun do you hunt with?! Do you aim at man's ideas, and the place of argument, or do you aim for the heart and the conscience? Maybe you need to change your hunting tactics, only then can you down the soul into a humble submission before the Lord and his word. Hunt with the Word, and you'll never miss!

One Day

Some people today, look at one year as something big, while a day is mostly meaningless.

But one day can be really important, and it can have a special memory. I can remember important days, but sometimes, the days that are supposed to mean something, are worthless compared to those special moments that are in one day.

In the picture, this day was special to me, I purchased my first car.

Sometimes, it's easy to forget important days. And sometimes its hard to forget days you don't want to remember.

I am trying in vain to forget the day I was separated from a close friend. That day has been the hardest day of my life, so much harder then when my horse was sold.

You can see how one day, can change the outcome of a year. Even just one moment can change a future! So, remember the important years, but cherish the moments!

Trials

I am going through a trial. How many of us enjoy a trial?! Not a single one right?

The day before my trial began, I was the happiest girl ever, sure of myself and what the future held for me, and fell asleep smiling. When my dad woke me up at 1:30 in the morning, I was too happy to complain that I hadn't gotten any sleep. My dad told me to drive us to town, to go to Perkins where we often went to have father/daughter chat time. What he had to say to me, was something I didn't expect....it left me devastated! I still haven't had another good cry about it, but believe me I cried hard that morning.

I fear to let myself weep for my loss, it makes my heart ache. I'll admit, I am angry, and hurt, and I want to blame someone or something for my suffering. It's been hard to love God in the middle of my grief. What am I going to do?!

I am no longer certain what God has planned for me, I feel like his plan was taken from me, but how can that be?! I am troubled by the fact that the other person involved might not know what I am thinking. And that no matter what the out come is.......I feel helpless! I don't want to talk of the reasons for this trial. I pray that I never have to see another day like this one, and I pray that my friend never has to see another day like this. I lay this all before God, and I have completely let it go. I fear to let myself hope, but it is what I loosely hold on to, praying that God would let this storm pass.

My heart is broken, I want to scream to the heavens, Why God?! Why now?! Why here?! My father believes that God may have a calling on my life. I believe this is true. I am going to place my foot forward, and stir the waters of a ministry, and see if God blesses me with a life of service. I pray though, with my whole heart, that part of God's plan, is my friend! God help me to accept the outcome! Thy will be done!

Loving work?!

Do you have a job?! Do you like your job?! How many of your co-workers do you get along with?

I have two jobs, and I love them both! I work at a McDonald's! I can hear you clapping! :P It's a very nice job, my co-workers are great, they are so much fun, and so are my bosses! You really do need to enjoy the time you spend at work, cause if you don't, it affects you a lot!

I also work as a lifeguard at a pool! Now this job is fun, cause all you have to do is sit high up on a chair, and watch other people swim while you get a sun burn! LOL! I make good friends while I work, and they are always a joy to work with! I hope that you to have a job you find worth while! One of the things I do when God presents an opportunity, is share the Gospel with my co-workers. I don't always get a nice response, but I am still friends with everyone on the force. People trust me, and give me great opportunities to prove my honesty, but without God, I wouldn't be a successful worker. God has really helped me these past couple years! And I hope to stay with McDonald's and the pool, until I get married and start raising a family of my own! That is one thing I know I will like more than work! I hope that in your job God is giving you opportunities to show how good of a worker you are under Christ!